i too wish of the wine,
the drunkenness, and the togetherness
that night, when we have become
free-willy, no thoughts, just our bodies,
no restraints, nothing about tomorrow,
when we were lost, and yet so happy,
and when we wake up that morning,
we did not really know what we were doing,
we're all wet in dryness, lips cracked,
bruised bodies, strangled hairs,
satisfied navels,
and then, that which we hated,
yes, goodbyes.

i shall not restrain myself forever,
flowers open to the sun somehow,
buds turning into full orange petals
red centers, glossy views of the
coming days,
i am bound, i have long accepted that,
my hands have ropes as stems,
but my heart is too a sharp knife
that cuts across those hidden
boundaries of my own being
i am free, this morning, i tell myself
beside you, i am, unbound and you
look at the happy angle of my face,
half-moon, half-sun, half-beast
half-human,
at a certain hour of the day,
i wish i have achieved a certain
divinity of my thoughts,
but soon, these all crumple, i am not
that mostly, i am beast,
i am undefined, but most of all,
i content with the mystery
that you still love me.
my fingers run wild over the belly
of your body, the navel tells the story
of love and hate,
the mind closes some more
there is no distraction anymore about the
promises of certainties,
for these are all unnecessary.
meanwhile, the emptiness rests on the floor
like a dog,
the desire to be beast is on top of the bed
with you, another beast,
on mutual tolerances.

i should have stopped a long time ago.
move my way, like another planet to another orbit
unto another galaxy, for there are so many
options, anyway.
i should have closed the door and the windows,
light my own room, and play the flute and
listen to the songs of my own soul,
contented with the caresses of my own hands
the dances of my feet and the gentleness of
my breathing,
i am a certain rhythm away from all of you,
i have a hammock where my head rests
throughout the night, i have my own soft bed
of white fleece, the rain outside and the storms
can do me no harm,
i could have just listened and do nothing,
i didn't.

tell me now, have you heard the coldest
sound of my regrets? have you heard the flapping
of bird wings away from your heart?
have you seen the river moving away from
the banks where you are
constantly castigated by the
howling sounds of your foxes?
my nights are your nights now.
come, do not listen to me, come,
i shall listen to all of you.
we're all in this now.
to the journey of our deepest selves,
my way of understanding the changes of
our lives, the coming of the dawning of
light, shadows fading, rains stopping,
seeds beginning their sprouts
in the coming of our springtime.

it is easier to let things be,
leave others as they are, and just
be the best that i am, amidst,
the chaos, the fire that burns
the city, the children whose shouts
for help fades like a ship that sinks
swallowed in one instant by the
ocean house of tidal waves,
it is easier to see how suffering
munches the innocence of
the crowd, and tell yourself, who cares?
they deserve their fates, i have mine,
i am alone, and happier
but it cannot be, i am part of this suffering
these grunts and rants,
i am part of the picture
and when the whole picture is blotted
out by one stroke of
my indifference, i am, too
blotted just the same.
and so, i must, i can,
i do care.

we demand justice
says the widow to the people
who mourn for her
the flowers wilted and
the niche is buried deep
down six feet
under, like a movie of sorts,
the people left her, alone,
headless, veils black and
hairs spangled, like worms
like she is the rotten body
now bare bones
inside her room, sleepless
till dawn

there is no justice, time
is narrow like a door that admits
no one, like a window closed
against any air of
possibilities

love conquers all
man gives the rituals
like marriage
and fidelity, and love is conquered
by all,
loveless, the journey continues
guilty, the mind holds on
till nothing.

finally you find what
discarding means
they choose themselves
and talk the language they have
chosen
you do not walk your talk
you cling to the sound
of your heart
you follow the light within
you invent your own language now
like no parrot
happily you wade in your own
water
traverse your own territory
silently
you will find yourself
among the rocks
and pebbles
each unique
each undiagnosable
there is joy
in every color
hilarity in every
damnation

listening to the softness of the rain
at dawn
opening the mind
for the seeping of understanding

how the rain falls on the roof
like a caress
how is the water redirected on the
gutter
towards the canals
of our limitations

canalized we survive the rigors
of what the laws expect
no overflowing
not a shortness of breath

at the middle of the hour of sorrow
we shall hear the festive
songs of the frogs in the rice-fields
the sun is up
but the rains do not stop

there are always options
nobody tells us what are they
before we know it
we have become our own
myriad options

self-preservation
love of self and love of the other
obeying rules
not discarding them
making new rules
and understanding some new ones

do not listen
you have your light within
pray
for we are weak and
of limited understanding editions

move on, life always begins
on something exciting
who cares? this is my life
this is my own journey

climbing mountains
sitting on stone
watching another day
pass by
on a caravan of memories
on desert thoughts

my theory lives thru
as you have said it: these are all lies
lies and more lies
and you know them all to be lies,

but as you said it,
you begin to understand the truth
beneath these lies

a layer of grass
another layer of flowers
another layer of clouds

beneath is the niche
burying the nuggets of
my own wisdom, how i live my life

and justify it later
before God, shall all lies be
truths

the gift of the magi: wedding anniversary

the gift of the magi: wedding anniversary

she went to the market
then back to the kitchen
and cooked spaghetti

the table is set
green mantle, silver spoon and fork
silk hands

i went to the school and had
a legal lecture on
divorce and its consequences
in Philippine setting

the usual land
escape of pyramid roof
touching the sky
heave
in space and sip
in lights of stars
i am
happier and enjoying
things that
are far
away from me
you
wonder how this is possible
on empty arms
on hearts without
head
ing my way out the en
closures
of too much love that is kill
ing me

how dare one must tell the obvious
not loving
and saying
i don't love you anymore and i want
my way out
this labyrinth
of elocution
piecing together those
beads and broken
ness unsaid
now must one save all the
courage of
i am leaving you for good
i am still in love with my
self and
everything is hazy
like rain
clouds of
january 31st

that is the window
a woman is unhappy and she is always
closing and opening
that window and people keep on looking
figuring out why that window
is unhappy
and they are all happy about the
proclaimed unhappiness of the other
that woman that window
not this woman not this window
not my woman not my window
always looking out somewhere
except this writer
this piece
this one not this one
that one over there not me but her

tired of those damned
reunions always other people doing good
making more money buying respect
integrity no longer intact
like a sword to its scabbard
bards and boards and bored
and braggarts
silky collars and shiny shoes
and dance beats
no longer adapted to my age,
i am not
attending any anymore
damned.

danger zone

it is dark out there
and there is no sound
i regret having recalled
some portions of the past
and now
i am heeding towards the danger
zone
you will call in that darkness
i can hear the sounds of
wolves and
hissing of snakes
there's a little light left
and i will not kill it
i retreat
and turn my back
looking for
that pillow where i rested
my head
last night.

it does not have always to be
comet-like
someone must learn to walk
and learn back to
being a child again
things are meant to be
slow
sweetness of sugar savored
within the gum
speed is not always a good friend
the rushes kill the meaning
of what we must be
it could be simply a handful of sand
that we scrutinize
inside our palms
counting how many diamonds
are there
glittering

the children

shallow waters
where we sometimes
sink.

pull the boat
that will take us away
from this
mess island

i wait
on the sands of my
solitude

upon the calm shores
i shall figure out
what next to do

do not think
that leaving is always the
possible solution

on my doubt
i shall sustain what remains
to be done

i have slept the
numerous passages of days
when i wake up
the moon shall speak to me
about the fate of some
stars

in our black and
white world
play me a song
of the rainbow
strum me your
guitar
and let me live
on multicolored
notes
i too shall sing
the colors of
my own world
and you may listen
both of us
shall paint
this black and white world
with the shades
of our hopes
pastel blue
light green
bright red
shining gold.