getting wet all over you

people are running,
trying to find shelter,
you watch,
you are in the middle of the road
in an island,
and you stop
you do not want to run like anyone of them
you are wet
and it is raining very hard.

been quite a time
i stayed inside of myself
probing what i am, and then

the time comes for change
i must go out of myself
and find who i am, i must

answer the questions of my heart
without the help of my mind
letting go what i feel, and

not telling, just like puffing smoke
to the air, alone, without you,
not saying anything, to the sun

it is like sitting on the side of the road
where all others stand and wait, and
you ask me, "what are you doing?"

and i tell you, "Nothing!", and then
you go your way as i stay merely
looking, loafing, nothing to do.

we claim no expertise
for this
we are not famous
neither shall we be at
all at any time
on the page of history

we assert no name
we are in fact nameless
we claim no right to a home
in fact we are nothing but freelance
hopeless romantics
insistent fanatics as you dislike us
writing about our
failures

we are here
not for anything else
we do not need any
eulogies that will last a lifetime
of mention
we do not go for
epitaphs
no tombstone

we are here because you are here
we talk.
we are here because we are hurt.
we simply express what we feel.

do not bother. we know where we are going.
do not give us importance. We are used

to our being trivial.
we are used to be used.
we are irrelevant with our syntax
we shall fail you

do not mind us.
we know how to exist.

a decision

the black bird of loneliness
hovers over the window of the house
and stops to look at
our roof

we shoo it away
there is no place here
where it can build its own nest

we still wait for the bird of bounty
the one that brings us
the eggs of grace
the feathers of happiness

it is the only bird that we welcome here
as a matter of our own decision

life makes us all a philosopher

Life is here. Did you ask why it is here?
Did you bother to know what is its real name?

Life is here. I never ask it to stay.
It stays anyway.

When it leaves, i have nothing to pack.
I leave with it. I do not leave a name.

Life has wings. Got mine too freely given.
Broken wings. Stained with my own blood.

i understand fully well
what is this agony of waiting

i'd been there
six months, and some false alarms
there were rumors
and bad news

i waited for the good news
it did not come
what arrived was something unbearable
father hid the knife
and mother asked me to listen to her

i know the agony of waiting
i know the pain of arrivals (and departures too)

i was once there
and no amount of comfort was enough
neither balm nor herb
neither drug nor injection
no amount of psychiatric treatment did cure

yet i survive
i am still here with you
silent and strong

it is our agony
and we understand.

the face
the breasts and nipples
the abdomen
the smoothness of the skin
down to the last details
of the body
the middle and the bottom
the legs
and veins and toes and nails
all these dance before me
to my pleasure

i shut my mouth
i hold my hands and tell myself

oh how beautiful! (but)
they are not mine.

the first time mama bought me a jockey

the first trip to cagayan de oro city
the first plane ride to manila

the first kiss
first bed

first love
the first broken heart

as i sit empty handed beside my window
the first time in my life

i begin to smile thinking about all these things
the first time.

i think a little bit
what is in you that i love
what is in me that you cannot love

logic tells me
you are never worthy of my love
you are not the kind and quality that i am looking for
i detest this unexplainable feeling
if i think some more
i vomit with what i see
and see carefully

crazy heart
illogical self
every moment i long for you
every time i see you i become lost thinking about you
i cherish your face
i desire your touch
i want to fuse with your body
i imagine the warmth
and the throbbing heart
singing in bliss

my mind says i am crazy
but this heart says i am right
with you i become a bird with swift wings
i can fly to the highest skies
with you i can be complete

there is no word fit for this
this is a river flowing without a mind of its own
and yet it has song
it has life
it has love.

i envy you
you do not have to write anything
to create meaning to your life

i envy you
you enjoy life without thinking much
you love and you are loved in return

i envy you
for you belong to someone
you never belong to me

here i am
moving in circles
nauseated.

i know what
is inside me
it is beautiful
it is more
beautiful if i
have you in my
arms
but this can never be
i have my own world
you have yours too
we are distance doubled
by our beliefs
you may lie to me
but only for a while
and then the truth comes
and you must leave me
and then i will understand it
but i will be in so much pain
and then i will be dead

then you laugh and take
everything from me
whatever i have
must have been given

i am in no position to
put you in pedestal
though i love you i love
myself more and if by
chance i may put you
there i know the consequence
you will love me
and then someone will die.

it is within my power
to change my shape
and be what pleasure
is there to give me
but i cannot, i won't.
the shape you see
when we first met,
shall be the same
when i will finally
leave you. It was
not pleasure that
was the reason.
It was also something
beyond shapes
In fact, the shape
does not matter anymore.
It is temporary.

mere touch
it passes like a stranger
nothing interesting
on a hot day

the tongue twists
asking for water
the teeth grits
asking for more

tonight what shall i be?
a wolf? you will fear me
i could be the moon
that embraces all of you

i can be the grass
where you sleep and dream
a touch from your body
makes me a tree
a sky, a world, a universe

i become a meteor
living through
an infinite space

something is heavy
i cannot lift it myself
on such a tense
situation as this
when everything seems
to be pointing at you
with all disfavor

your sigh
heave it yourself.

nothing more about euphemism
can hide the truth
that you are not with us
do not try to misspell
our intentions
so they may become popular
to those who by
our standards are the great
morons of our society

no need to tell that you are not one of us
we are finally leaving

we come with nothing
we bring nothing

our journey is far
and the place has no name

it is this familiarity
that makes me more love you
now i untangle these beliefs
that says
you breed contempt
now i have thrown all those
that negate you
you have become too familiar
like everyday
like every minute
and yet the hours still seem
so lovely

feed me more with that thing
that stuff
called love and truth.

to abandonment
i am already at ease
these happen all the time
and it has no effect
on my blood anymore

these blood that keeps on
running
without an arrival
these blood that
pours
when i have no
more tears
to show you

now the questions are asking you
what now? quo vadis?
where to? what for?
why?

yes, why above all.
the questions are asking you
and you must answer with the very same questions to the questions

you beg, and they beg too
the answer to the questions

but you have no answers really
you have learned the art of wisdom
its own ways
its own manners of not answering with answers

who knows? no one knows?
oh, ahh, i must start from where wisdow
was born

here i am and i know nothing....

nothing is planned
words to say just come with ease
there is no purpose
everything becomes light
and even if something true
and hurting is spoken
no bad feelings come
since trust prevails
that trust that the friend
intends nothing but the good
the better things ahead
for both of them