the first time

last night
i dream of you
making love to me
in that very secret
room where light
is just a streak
from a high
window

we kissed so
well
our bodies like
snakes to
each other

it was long and
sweaty
and i remember
i did not sleep
that whole night
after making
love

it is painful
to know that
i did not have
an ejaculation
sensing perhaps
that there is something
wrong in the manner
with which we
make love


i left that room
while you were
still sleeping
leaving what you
need for the
coming days


to assuage the
pain of having
not loved you really
i left you
nothing
(no heart is involved
here)
but money.

sorry, it is my first
time
to really have sex
without love
at all.