i am warm

it's been a long time
i lost six dogs, i forgot
an old house, i am retracing
a path, figuring out what
is it that i really want

or need for now, i am a
confused traveler, lost my
map, and missed a flight,
i have no language to guide
me where i must sleep.

i watch the movie of the
world, went into a theater of
porn, ejaculated many times,
eventually suffered the
sequences of ecstacies
fell into a chasm and melted
into depression, but i am

alright now, knowing what
i want, pretensions uncovered
i do not mean to serve
i only mean to love myself
till the end, shaking my own
hand, congratulating myself
for this feat of living, how i
did not end a life, how i must
care for a flower in a pot
by the window of my life.

i have loved and realized i
did not love you more than
i have loved myself. I am sorry
but i must keep you.
It is my need and i still want
to live. Hold my hands i am
warm.