Sa menteryo sa dihang mibisita ako kang nanay ug tatay

sa sementeryo sa dihang mibisita ako ni nanay ug tatay

Nay tay Ania na usab ako mibisita kaninyo mananghid kaninyo nga

Ugma molarga na ako paingon sa Mandaluyong sakay sa Cebu Pacific

Moadto na ako sa National Center for Mental Health

Kay aduna na akoy Reservation didto

Basin didto una ako magpuyo Bisag tulo lang ka bulan Ug ma-extend basin Tulo ka tuig depende sa akong Pagmugna ug mga balak didto

Didto man gud kuno kasagaran Mamugma ang pinakaanindot nga

Mga Balak Mao nga nay tay nga miboluntaryo

Ako sa pagsulod didto Sa ilang pagtugot

Sayod ko nay tay nga kamo Nangimbitar usab kanako dinha sa inyong lugar Diin mas nindot pa ang mga balak Kay sa gimugna didto sa taga mental hospital Apan sayod mo Nay Tay

Dili pa ko andam mosulod sa inyong kwarto Kay daghan pa ako ug tinagoan Nga dili jud ninyo mapasaylo Adto na ako nay tay.

There is no sound sleep as sound as home

THERE IS NO SOUND SLEEP AS SOUND AS HOME


In the foreign land where you live
Where the snow is cold and slippery and smooth
You say you cannot sleep
And all alone not feeling safe
In that house made of steel and fortified walls

Here in our country
Where walls are weak where beams are but coconut wood
Where the sun is hotter
Where the dust spread like blanket on the bed
Where the noise is simply intolerable
Where beggars come asking for food
Where poverty and calamities abound

Here in my country I sleep so soundly
Because lady, this is my home this is where my heart is
Because lady, I am safe in this place that I call my own
Because lady, there is no place like home
Where sleep is sleep and will always be sound

the words i cannot say

THE WORDS I CANNOT SAY


i have kept the words i cannot say to you
because i know in doing so you will
die,

how can i say them? how can i say them now?
i am lost,
they are throwing stones at me
on the roads that i take
i want to break this silence
i want to speak

but you are always beside me
your hands, you think you are embracing me,
i am choking, i cannot breathe
your love has been much
beyond what i can take

how can i ever tell you
the word
goodbye, the words, i have changed, the sentence

i am going away, this place is not for me, my heart has no home,
i am empty, i am shattered, i am loved but i cannot love
i am dead.

---

you are always welcome

Welcome, my friend!
Your arrival is my pleasure
i give you this usual embrace
cheek to cheek
this bear hug that Russians make
on a kindest courtesy

i am tendering this
humble reception for you
we shall welcome change
the way we now see things
the way we treat the events in our lives

there shall even be a welcome
of hisses and to some extent
some catcalls
but friendly still

because you are my most welcome
visitor
take some rest we shall dine and dance later

we have accepted you to our fold
you may stay that long
and longer still
my welcome is never worn

my home is your home now
that is my first vow..

this is my hiding place

THIS IS MY HIDING PLACE


as a child i was hurt
hurt so deeply with nowhere
no one to tell how hurt i was once
with no other place to bury my tears
to shout my fears
there were no skies above me
there was no moon to confide
there were only walls

i have grown up
through layers and layers of silence
thick silence thicker than the earth of million years
strong and big and always
keen and piercing the walls that i have been used to
i have seen more about life's pains
and felt the dangers
that i have escaped and survived
i have become a man
and found this hiding place

my poetry.

In my little country, faraway from you

It is two o’clock in the morning
And you are not asleep yet
Disturbed you confessed
About something
This love
This love that has disappointed you
To my surprise


Is it you
Is it really you hidden?
Buried beneath my words

You ask me to tell you honestly
We are friends
We do not intend to hurt
I tell you then it is not you
It is never you it will never be you
Now sleep
It is getting very late
You need to rest you are in pain
You need to dream the sweetest dream

In my country it is still an afternoon
We have coffee
The sun begins to set
There is no anger here there is no disappointment
About love or any other feeling
I am reminded though
Again I have to tell you
That which angers you conquers you.

Dinner is served, faraway you must be asleep.
I do not dine alone. We still have jokes to tell.
Some more poems to write, this time, perhaps sadder.

to write to think to imagine to love

i do not just write from a scratch of an idea from anywhere
like i get a pen and a piece of yellow paper, a blank sheet of
bondpaper, unperfumed like the love letter sent to sensuality,
it is not a matter of switching on the light of the lampshade
early dawn, rub my eyes, tap my middle finger on the table,
and breathe deeply and say,
i will write this
emptiness, with no one inside this circle of emptiness,
like an empty set,
zero, nothing inside some domains,
no,
writing starts with someone in mind
not really something lovely that excites my hormones
my lust and desire for another sexual fantasies
it would be too selfish
and ignoble,
writing starts with you
the concrete you, the one crying inside the room
on a wintry night, the one who needs the comfort of my
thoughts, the warmth of my concern
though distant
like the sun to another sun to another star to another star
of this galaxy to another galaxy,
i think about your worries
i reflect upon your quest to be alive again
i ponder upon your thirst
for love
something specific
something i can touch with the fingers of my mind
something that i can bite and check if this something is still
tasting the salty taste of the blood of life,
as i grow somehow
i shall think about the great spaces and places of the other worlds
beyond you and me
beyond us,
my mind gaping like an open mouth of a baby
opening to the freshness of this world

i will start with you
your sad eyes, it will start with the question

how can i ever wipe your tears
how can i ever make you smile again

and then the sadness of the world
its miseries
how can we ever heal it,
how can we ever make it green and alive again

from the very beginning

LOVE AND LUST

Each shall have a room, as they are distinct
As love is blind, lust has eyes wide open for its games
As love is day, lust is the night at the bar
As love speaks the truth, lust can just lay silent looking for the tasty froth
Love need not be beautiful but lust makes it a requisite
Love may abstain, but lust cannot
By its nature it thrives in banquets

Love is pure but lust goes to mud in all wild wrestling for what it desires
I can love you without lust
But you may not like it after all
I love and lust you

And in you
Love and lust shall
Hold hands, kiss tight, hiss all the night
Love and lust
The two becoming one
To both of us

So this union may last
This communion of souls

KARL’S BREW CAFÉ IN BUHANGIN

You were singing the joys of your life

In a small café cramped with friends

And some just curious for your voice

And some who knew you can sing

And sing so beautifully

Like a magical bird

Like a mythical bird

Crowded you showered them with

All your love

My three friends texted

“It is sad why you are not here with us

My son danced with her song

He lifted my chair so I will dance too

And obliged to sing one of those songs

He really loved”

Tess I see enjoyed the show very well

And we heard something beautiful

“Without you”, because as you said

You are always “busy somewhere else”

It was that injustice which you did

That we cannot explain to Cynthia

Always your unexplained absence

Always your disappearing act

The sound of poverty in my country

Whooping cough

From morning till night

There are only herbs

Some leaves of grass

Soaked in water

Inside a tin cup

That advised to be taken

as Medicine

The sound is reverberating

In the town

And no one seems to mind

What to do about it

It cannot be stopped

The people wait

For another wailing sound

Someone bedridden

Just passed away

Another cough is on the way

Today and it will

From morning till night

And as usual the people wait

There is nothing that can be done

About it

The sounds of poverty reverberate

YOU'RE STILL YOU

The same hair curling on your head

At 49, you look younger,

There are no wrinkles on your forehead

The cheeks still smooth and tight

Your eyes still glow

Like fireflies reflected in the mirror

The moon against the sky

The way you talk defies the years of your absence

The way you look at me

Your way your gaze flies like a butterfly

Hovering back to me like tender hands

Of a woman

Caressing my face

Like golden yellow wing

Fluttering on the petals of a flower

Indeed, you are still you

Loving me

In gentle restraint and

I am deeply saddened

By my own kind of same

Usual indifference

Of the clouds drifting

Without even the thought

Of stopping by the

Peaks of trees

As you open yourself to the sun like

A tight bud opening its petals

Finally exposing its true gentle colors

A flower blooming

To the kindness of sunshine

And the freshness of the air

That this world can offer

I spread my wings like a yellow butterfly

Fluttering away to another garden

tell me

i

Tell me what you wish for

Bring them all to me

I will keep them in my hands

Away from the

Wicked eyes of his world.

Ii

I have prepared my own world

Like a bed of my own

In my room

Come live and sleep with me

So we can be alone again

Iii

There are some other words

Still there

I am looking for the word

To say

The one which can tell all

My grief

There is none to describe it

And so it has remained

Unspoken

And so it goes on and on and on

Iv

This is my world

And I live here alone

Thick with walls

Walled with walls

Now I am at last

Untouched

By your unwashed hands

Now at last

I cannot see

I cannot hear

You and your impurities.

Friday, August 15, 2008

In haste you accepted me like

Whirlwind

Romancing the cliffs and stone

Then we settled for the nest of

An eagle

Up there where no one climbs

The eggs are safe

What have I become of myself?

Something you feed on

I am still this fish

With scales and gills

Unable to adapt to your lungs and beaks

Despair

I know you do not like the word

Its color its scent, how we relate it to something black

And smoky and ghastly and ghostly

Some say, red is the color of despair

Others say it is like black coffee because

It does not make you sleep

And make you curl the whole day in

Your dark room without wanting

To talk to somebody and just be there

Alone by yourself, pondering, almost crazy

Not yet anyway, so you go on a compromise

Grey is the color of despair

Dusk, or dawn, or something dawning yet

Like an idea of a suicide unhatched

Delayed like an egg still undecided whether

To hatch or not to hatch and face the world

Of chickens

Despair, what is so big about despair

No big deal, it comes to you whether

You like it or not

As a matter of necessity, face it and state

Its name and stare and say, I muster this

Despair, I am its master and not its slave

And then, when you know all its particulars

You know what to do

Kill it and if it is not killed yet

Well

Well, well, just learn to live with it

Sleep and with, make love with it

And well,

Have kids with despair and call them

Their names: the usual, the normal and

The everyday. And just be prolific.

For Rianne

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Rianne, you evolve somehow

You must know, how you started

Your first lines with something

Like the womb of your mother

Some classical music

And nursery lines recited

Even before you are born

And then you talk about

Papa and mama and their loving hands

The male guitar the female voice

And tender fingers and rosy cheeks

And some babbles on the cradle

You grow up and talk about love

And the opera and some applause

Remembering the phantom songs

And the labyrinths of the heart

A little complication now

A grudge of some little prisons

And some birds wanting to be free

From a golden cage

Then Rianne I anticipate something

Sooner you will learn my language

Of happiness and bliss and wandering

To the sea, the one with a beginning

And seemingly without an end

How I decided to swim be like a fish

And be with the corals of the deep

How I like to have fins and codes

Deep down the far oceans to other continents

How I like some things far away

How I like never coming back

Because there is so much out there

And everything I once owned and claim to own

Have all become exhausted

SOMETHING ORIGINAL

So much have been taken for the quest of something original
Time squeezes to something interesting
Something original
I am carried with it..
I look out from this glass window
Seeing the sea
Farther is this blueness

Near me is brownish
The river is flooded
The rain pours wildly in the mountain
A blue green car passes on the road below

A woman with a basket full of something (that I cannot see clearly from where i stand)
Holds her boy like a twig of a tree
The wind starts blowing hard
There will be typhoon

I see these are happening, I am from here. I live here.
When I tell her these things when I come home
She says, you are not original in what you are telling me
The janitor of you office can always say what you have seen
These are not hidden from the ordinary eyes

It is different. I am original in this. I am feeling something.
I am original in this feeling and you do not feel it the way I see these things.
I am leaving you. It is the first time I am feeling this. It is this first time
That I am telling you. I am original. I have long searched what words to use

To tell something original like
departure.

the thought making itself into a poem

I will follow you

Wherever you go

Like my fingers pressing

Every letter

To follow you

My thought

And find you and dress you

With words

You can be a poem

Afterwards

Without my knowing

In your becoming

MGA BINILARAN SA KAADLAWON

wa jud ko kahalok nimo hinoon

kay pareho ta nga balaknon

Akong mga mata fluent kon motantiya

Kon in love ba pud ka

Kabalo ko lab ko nimo

Pero pretend sab ko

Nga di kabalo moingon

Ako kang gipaantus

(kay ngano kamo ray

Mga babaye diri sa kalibotan

Nga kabalong mopaantus

Sa mga lalaki?)

Galisod ka ug pinaabot

Unsaon nako pag-ingon ug

I love you

Pero wais sab ka imo kong

Gitagaan ug tanang chances

(daghan kaayo)

Gidala ko ikaw sa ngitngit

Kay kuno nindot tan-awon

Ang gadung nga

Full moon

Sugot sab ka, imong kamot

Gitunol sa way duhaduha

Akong gitangag sa daplin

Sa kasagbotan

Morag iro gatangag ug

Bukog sa kabaw

Pag-abot, kulbaan ko

Kay mipiyong ka

Apan, sus ginoo ko,

Mao jud pag lingin sa full moon

Sa langit

Ako kang gipukaw

Ako kang giingnan

Pagkaanindot gayod sa bulan

Wa na noon jud ko kahalok nimo cyn

Ug ikaw mikatawa

Kay ako dakong bakakon

Gaba

Sa dihang molarga na unta Namugos nga mokuyog gayod ang bana Walay nahimo ang asawaSa dihang mogawas na unta sa baba Sa barge ang bus nga ilang Gisakyan gikan sa tiil sa Mukas Hunong sa agtang sa Ozamis Kalit lang mibuto ang bomba Nga gitanom sa terorista Sa lubot sa Rural Transit Nga ilang gikatulgan

Nasunog ang tanan nga wala Moambak sa dagat sa tumang Kahikurat ug ang ilang mga matang Nagsulirat wala gani tagad kapiyong Sa dihang gidali dali silag kuha Sa limbong sa kamatayon Ug ikaw sa way kukalooy miingon lamangUg

“Gaba!”

SA AKONG DAMGO GABII WALA KA NAAPIL

Daghan kog damgo gabii

Tua si papa gadala ug pusil

Tua sad si mama gadagan mitago kay

Hadlod sa pusil ni papa

Tua sab si lolo nagdala pud ug pusil

Ug tua sab si manang, si manong

Gadagan mitago sa kalibonan

Nangita ug cover sa mga

Dagkong bato kay nahadlok sa

Pusil ni lolo

Wala miapil si lola kay didto sa

Damgo patay na siya

Dugay ra

Saksak sinagol ang akong damgo

Gasugod sa estudyante pa ako

Nadat-ogan sa daghang libro

Nagbalhin-balhin sa dorm

Tuay nasunog tuay nabahaan

Tuay nabungkag tuay nalunod

Sa baha sa linog

Dunay pa gyoy taas nga tulay

Ug sa ubos niini dako nga suba

Nga giagian sa dako nga baha

Ug sa dihang naa na ko sa tunga

nangisog ang dako nga baha

Hinoon duna poy nindot gamay

Sud sa akong damgo

Kadtong romantic portion

Nagkita mi sa akong uyab

Nga karaan

Naghalok mi, naggakos,

Nagkinuotay, nagtinilaay

Naa pay mas lami

Apan di na lang nako

Ibutyag kay hadlok ko

Sa buyag

Nakamata ko sa kalami

Nagbasa ang akong

Bulog, gusto pa gani

Mobalik ug katulog

Saying, wa ka maapil sa akong

Damgo

Bisan na lang gani unta ug

Kadtong napusilan ni lolo.

Salimuang sa kanahan nga nangandoy ug anak

Ang amahan kugos ang duha ka anak Ang inahan tapad Posing silang upat sa kilid sa mga tulips Balhin na pud sila sa tunga Dayon sa tuo Sa wala Sa sentro Pagkaanindot jud tan-awon ang ilang family Picture, gusto sa pud unta ko pa-take ug family Picture Pila ra gud unta pagposing sama nila Maka-afford man sad kog bakasyon diha ba Palit ug round trip ticket Kuyog ang akong asawa Maka-afford man sad kog palit ug digital camera Bisan pa gani ug paliton nako ang mga tulipsKanang tanang klase sa kolor Apan ang problema ug duna bay baligya Nga bata dihang lugara Bisag for rent lang, para posing sad ming upat Aron duna na koy Family picture with the tulips in the states Dayon akong i-email sa akong mga close nga higala

ang mga ligbos para sa bathalad

Human sa linti ug kilat ug sa makusog nga ulanKagabii segurado ako nga pagkaugma sa buntagManurok gayod ang daghang ligbos saDaplin sa punuan sa mga saging Andamon ko ang akong basket nga uwayAron ako kining pamuniton ug itugyanKo kini sa imong mga kamot Sa dakong pagsalig sa imong kahanasIlain mo ang mga makaon ug ilabay mo Gawas sa kusina ang mga makalanag Sa atong lawasApan sa pag-abot na usab sa kagabhion Pamuniton ko pag-usab kadtong imong mga Gipanglabay kadtong imong gihusgahanNga makalanag sa akong lawas Kay ako silang pagasud-ongon ug otro Sa lubog nga kahayag sa akong lampara sud sa akong kwarto Ug sa Hinay-hinay ilukip ko sila sa Pahina sa akong mga libroPangitaon ko ang rason kon ngano.